- DISAPPOINTED -

5 Days Passed... ...Cold War...
We haven't been talking for 5 days...I'm disppointed more than angry. Anger has subsided long ago...but nothing has been done so far. Well, if you ask me what am i expecting? To be honest, I don't know either.
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Darling went out for a drink with his colleague last Fri after work (late shift, knock off @ 2300hr) at Elias Park (yes, very far....) Usually he'll be home around 3+ to 4am in the morning but on that day, he texted me @ 0400am saying that will be leaving in half an hr. At 0500am, no sign of him so i called his hp...he was still at the drinking place...
I was angry coz it's way past the time he said he would be leaving & he didn't even bothered to call or sms me to let me know that he would be later. Anyway, this always happen EVERYTIME he goes out drinking...nothing new & I'm REALLY SICK & TIRED of it. This time I felt that he's gone overboard...it's way toooo late (or early...?) Think he didn't get home till maybe 0630hr or so...
I was fuming when I spoke with him over the phone, he didn't even apologise or said anything...just "umm, ya...ok soon..." I told him "you can jolly well go & sleep over at your friend's, no need to come home..." :(
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For the past decade...he didn't change abit instead it got worse. It made me realize...that one shouldn't be too sure of what one say. I remembered VERY CLEARLY darling said this before "I'll NEVER pick up smoking..." well, that was like in our teens but still...if you are so determined on something, u'll stick by it right? He picked up in his late teens (in the army). & he too said "Don't compare me with my father, I'm not like him...at least I'll NEVER NOT come home..." Well, he's proved it wrong on Friday 09th Sept 2011...perhaps it really runs in the blood. For all I know he may be having an extra marital affairs...which it shouldn't be surprising I suppose.
I do not think I'm at any fault...I did not scream or yell at him when I called him, I was calmed though my words may be harsh. He is definitely wrong...for 5 days, he did not even said anything about the incident...I'm utterly disappointed.
Maybe he's teaching me how to live life without him...well, with or without him life still has to go on I believe. For whatever reason(s) he may be out of my life or our lives...i suppose I have to learn to be independent & live with it. Perhaps he may realize after this ordeal that he can live better without me in his life...

Lord, Please grant me the Patience... ...especially with the Kidzz

One week school holiday has just ended...it's a new term (4) now. Have been nagging Isaac to do some assessment books during his holidays...
Am rather disappointed & annoyed that he couldn't do most of his sums of Math. "Are you stupid or what? Cannot be taught? or you simply don't care & did not pay attention in class while teacher teach?" These were the words I used on him...I'm beginning to feel so very angry with myself...WHY did I use such words when I know I should not...these are very negative & discouraging words...I never want them to be used on me :(
This morning I apologised to Isaac for being so impatient & raising my voice & using such words on him. I did not mean he's stupid of course but at that point of time...i just felt that he should know the sums coz they were taught & it's all so simple.
Anyway, "Isaac, I'm so sorry...mommy will try to be more patient & I'm truely sorry for using all those negative words & passing such discouraging remarks... :(" I really want you to be able to do understand what you've been taught & put them into applications. Please do pay attention in class ok...?